Uh - what's up at Hogwarts?
by Kaetian
Summary: This is just a little challenge i made up - info. in story. Read to find out!


** I've never involves alcohol. Lots of it.   
Someone says something they've never done, and if someone else has,  
they take a swig of their drink, which gives the Neverer the right to ask one  
question - who, how, where, when, why. In the wizarding world, they put  
truth Serums on the entrance drink (You have a little drink before the  
game) which make it so you can't say something you have done and you  
can't lie.  
*** A person who can turn into a wolf or a vampire or a mix. Arcerian wolves  
can turn into huge jungle cats as well.   
  
Uh - What's up at Hogwarts?  
By Kate.  
  
Dear Rowan,  
I need help. You said I could always call on you for help, so now I  
have.   
It's about the Hogwarts students. Recently the three marauders -  
Peter is no longer considered a Marauder because of what he did  
- have come from 1980 to 2002. It is a disaster! Sirious and james  
are inflicting I've Never and smelly socks while Remus is playing  
matchmaker with Lily! Did I mention her? Well, she has a  
vendetta against james, and I think James is 'That way inclined'.  
Could this affect Harry? Please help!!!!  
From Albus.   
  
Well, thought Rowan Gwynn-Raven, I never thought Albus would  
ask for help - he's never needed it. I better go and see him.  
'Jeff,' she called, 'Albus needs me. I'll pack a bag or two and set  
off now, alright?'  
'Sure, dear,' he called, 'Have fun!'  
'I will!'  
  
'Catch me if you can!' yelled Sirious.  
'Oh, we will,' said someone in an extremely high, squeaky voice.  
'Harry?' he said, faltering, 'What happened to your voice?'  
'I doon't knoow, Sirioous,' said the voice, 'Care too stoop and see?'  
Stupidly, he did as the voice bid.  
A smelly sock was forced over his head, and he was tied up with  
more smelly socks.   
'What are you doing?' he yelled, only to have another sock forced  
into his mouth.   
'Soon we will have all you're friends, Sirious,' the voice  
whispered. 'We already have James.'  
'i was wondering where he got to,' he muttered around the sock.  
'So - what are you?'  
'The leader of the SSO - the Smelly Sock Organization. I am  
responsible for all those smelly socks you hate. Mwuhahahaha!'  
'But I like smelly socks!'  
  
Meanwhile:   
A new student was aproaching.   
'Hello?' she called. No answer.   
'Professor Dumbledore? Anyone? The leader of the SSO?'  
'Hello, dear,' he said.  
'Look, Leader of the SSO, it isn't polite to set you're socks on  
people. I mean it! IT'S JUST NOT NICE.'  
'Do I care, Darling? Do I care?'  
'Obviously not, you old Clean Sock!'  
'Ohohohohoh! Clean Sock indeed! Why - what are you doing,  
dear?'  
'Listening to a stupid, sparkling Clean Sock rant on and on and on  
. . . '   
Just then the Leader of the SSO was captured much the way half  
the school had been captured but with clean socks.   
He withered up and died.  
'Does that mean my socks won't smell anymore?' asked Sirious.  
'Yes,' said the new student.  
'Ah, my saviour!' he cried, 'I grovel at your feet! You have  
released me from my smelly sock curse - in your face, Potter!'  
'Huh?' said the NS.  
'He cursed my socks by making the SSO, but it got out of hand  
when he was captured by the now dead leader. But I still like 'em  
smelly,' he added.  
'Eat my shorts, Sirious!'   
'No way, James, they're probably worse than you're socks!'  
'Say no more, do know more, and think no more about what you  
could do with shorts, Potter!' the NS said quickly.  
'Fine.'  
  
The NS, it turned out, was Kaetian StormChaser, a vampere wolf,  
and a lone auror who had gone wild, even though she was only  
fifteen.  
It just so happened that she was one of Sirious' twins, who  
neither he nor big Sirious knew about.  
This is where Remus and Lily, the new Hogwarts Matchmakers,  
met their match. They had managed to get the most  
extraordinary couples together - Harry and Dumbledore, Snape  
and Malfoy, McGonagall and Ron, and Lily was working on him  
and Hermione. Of them all, only Harry and Dumbledore had gone  
for more than three months. The others had gotten bored - the  
younger ones, that is - but Harry had finally given Dumbledore  
the shove and gone back to Cho. Ron was now with Malfoy, and  
McGonagall was with Snape.  
She had started favouring Slytherins to please him, and vice  
versa. It was really disgusting.   
They were considering Sirious/James, because of the looks  
Sirious had given him, but now they were considering  
Kaetian/James and Sirious/Hermione.  
It was all getting out of hand.   
  
Then, just as a Sirious/Trelawny relationship was blossoming  
thanks to RandL enterprises (Randel) , a drunken Sorting Hat  
burst in and started to sing -   
Oh you may not think I'm pretty,  
But don't judge on what you see;  
I'll eat myself if you can find  
A more stoned Hat than me!  
You can let your heroin, cocaine  
and crack fall-   
'cause I'm the Hogwarts snorting hat  
and I can snort 'em all!   
There's nothing in the world  
The Snorting Hat can't Snort -  
So try me on and I will tell you  
'what Sort you aughta Sort!  
You might belong in Hufflepuff,  
Where they are just and loyal -  
(To crack, that is - hee hee!)  
Those patient Huffelpuffs  
are unafraid of toil! (and crack).  
You might belong in Gryffindor,  
Where dwell the wimps in part -   
Their cra*py way of Snorting   
Sets Gryffindors apart!  
Or worse still, wise old Ravenclaw,  
If you've a geeky mind -  
Where those idiots sit and miss out!  
  
Or maybe if you've a fat behind . . .  
Or perhaps in Slytherin  
Where you'll make no friends;  
Those stupid folk use any means to obtain their ends (crack!)  
So put me on, be very afraid!  
And don't be in a flap -   
You're in safe hands (though I have none)  
For I'm a Snorting Hat!  
  
'Um - what?'  
'Don - t mak meh rtepet mah sog,' hicupped the Hat.  
'Um - yeah,' said Sirious. 'C'mon, Trelawny, let's go somewhere  
else - the hat's gone munted.'  
'Okay, Sirious - in a minute.'  
She turned towards the hat and whispered, 'Got any joints?'  
''Sorry, Prof.,' it said. She shrugged and went off with Sirious.  
  
The next day:   
'Hey, Sirious,' called Harry, 'C'mere.'  
'Yeah?'  
"Wanna set up a I've Never game?'  
'What, now?'  
'No, later,' he said.  
'Why later?'  
'We need to send out invitations, don't we?'  
'Well, now that you mention it. . .'  
'So who're we gonna invite?'  
'Um. . . Remus, Lily, James, Kaetian, McGonagall, Snape, Malfoy,  
Dumbledore-'  
'DUMBLEDORE? Listen, Snape and Malfoy're bad enough, but  
DUMBLEDORE? He's OLD!'  
'Calm down, Harry, he's not that old - '  
'Yes he is!'  
'Anyway, he's invited, can I continue?'  
'Hmph.'  
'Hermione, Ron, Gred, Forge, Cat, Blaise, anuone else?'  
'Cho,' Harry said.  
'Yeah. C'mon, let's make the invites.'  
  
Dear Kaetian,  
You have been invited to an I've never game. Instructions on arrival.  
Date: Haloween.  
Time: 8:00 to when-ever.  
be there or be stoned!  
Harry and Sirious.  
  
Everyone was there (Big Sirious' house)- even Dumbledore.  
'Okay, everyone, let's begin with an entrance drink!' said Sirious,  
and, none of them knowing that it had been spiked with a  
tasteless truth serum, drank it.  
'Right - Harry, you start.'  
'I've never met a stoned Sorting Hat before.'  
Sirious drank.  
'How?'  
'Um - Remus had set me up with Trelawny and we were talking  
when the hat burst in and began to sing.'  
'Sing us the song, Sirious!' yelled Snape, who was already drunk.  
'Nuh!'  
'Hmph. Kaetian.'  
'I've never broken anything.'  
'You haven't?' asked Harry incredulously as everyone drank, 'But  
you're an Auror!'  
'So? Okay . . . Snape, what was the mosr recent one?'  
'Yesterday, when I fell off a cliff,' he said.  
Everyone roared with laughter.  
  
It went on like that until, at four in the morning, they were all  
drunk (except for Kaetian) and couldn't concentrate.  
'I think -'  
'Ne-er min wah yoo thin,' slurred Dumbledore, who had joined in  
and was dead drunk.  
Kaetian sighed, and surveyed Big Sirious' living room.   
It had the air of a graveyard, with drunken people throwing up all  
over the place.  
'You lot are disgusting,' she declared, and stormed off to get  
drunk properly and politely on Butterbeer in Hogsmeade.  
  
When they were all sober, and were not suffering hang overs,  
Kaetian said to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were all sitting  
on the banks of the lake, 'I think it's pretty weird that I've only  
been here for two and a half days and already I have stopped the  
Leader of the SSO, been in an I've Never game and gotten drunk.  
I mean, what next?'  
'Yeah,' agreed Harry, 'But don't worry, it's not always like that.'  
'Harry, you are a liar. It's usually a lot worse.'  
'Which means I'm not a liar, because it isn't usually like that.'  
As the guys continued bickering, Hermione read a book and  
Kaetian stared into space. Then she started, sat up straight, and  
looked up into the sky just in time to see a space-ship come  
down out of it and land on the lake.  
A woman in her late 50's early 60's stepped out.  
'Damn,' she said, 'I've lost my touch. Ten years ago and I'd've  
landed it on that stretch of grass there.'  
'You mean the stretch I'm sitting on?' said Kaetian with a grin.  
'Kaetian!' cried the woman.  
'Hi, mum,' she grinned.  
The woman ran over. Ron eyed her, thinking that for all her  
eccenticity, she could pass for a thirty-year-old, with her  
premature silver hair and her ice blue eyes and her wrinkle free  
face.  
While her daughter, Kaetian, had the silver hair, she had a lava  
(red,gold,orange) streak down the middle and lava eyes.  
'But Kaetian, where's Larak?'  
'I have no idea,' she said, looking troubled.  
'Ah, well, we'll find him later. Come on, I have to go help Albus.'  
'You mean Dumbledore? What's he need help with?'  
'I don't know, I think he's sorted it out, that's why I took so long.  
But he may need a killer-hangover cure.' 


End file.
